Annie Han (she/her)

Scholarship Recipient | 2022 Flash Foxy Fall Fest - North Conway

Video courtesy of author

This was my first time at a large climbing gathering, let alone my first time at gathering [for women and genderqueer folks], which made this festival pretty special. To be honest, I was nervous. I'm an aspiring routesetter and guide. I work in an all-male setting team, my teachers and mentors are all male, and my SPI course and guide-friends are all male. For a while, I felt like the only one, so I continued to create this narrative of myself as a female who is less capable, less strong, less knowledgeable. I am capable, but tell myself  I'm not good enough so I'll need more experience and practice to get there. I ignored or just settled for all the unfair micro-interactions, judgments, and insecurities of being a minority in these spaces. 

I'm not sure why, but I've avoided creating friendships or professional relationships with other women — it could have been how I grew up and how I learned to be competitive. It could have been barriers that I developed as a minority that allowed me to protect myself, and to "get ahead". 

It was only recently that I started surrounding myself with more women [and genderqueer folks] in my life. And I am starting to see that this is a common feeling amongst so many strong, powerful, women. It takes spaces like Flash Foxy to break that mindset. It was my first time ever bouldering with a crew of [women and genderqueer folks], and my first time doing a multi-pitch with women. How magical and liberating it was to feel a community FULL of support and encouragement — who embrace what it's like to experience emotions on rock, to check in on one another, and to communicate and trust one another. I found myself feeling confident and uplifted around this community. 

Group photo looking fierce for the Intermediate Movement clinic with Ady Wright by @littlemountainruth

Thank you, Flash Foxy, for providing this space for me and the amazing community I never knew existed. I'm learning how to be in spaces I've never felt like I deserved to be in. I can't wait to be back :)