Vanessa Morales (she/her)
Scholarship Recipient | 2023 Flash Foxy Trad Fest - North Conway
My climbing journey began during the pandemic, outside on the rock soaking up the sun. Climbing was one of the few things that gave me stability and joy during a tumultuous time. However, throughout these last three years, my relationship to climbing has ebbed and flowed through periods of frustration, self-consciousness, injuries, and recoveries.
For the longest time, it was hard for me to accept the possibility that I will be observed by on-lookers - whether by friends, fellow climbers, or hikers. Being a shy and nervous climber sometimes made it difficult to even get on the wall. It took some time to understand and accept that this was part of the experience, and telling myself that most people are probably not being as harsh or critical as I was with myself.
And then to return to climbing after elbow surgery in 2021 required me to extend patience and grace to myself. I started climbing at the gym by joining Philadelphia Climbers of Color BIPOC night meet up. Being part of that community helped me work through my insecurities of being watched, and be open to more belaytionships rooted in mutual support and safety. It also made me realize that I wanted more autonomy in my climbing experiences. So often, I’m reliant on someone else in the group being able to set up and clean top rope anchors.The opportunity to go to Flash Foxy’s TradFest felt like the first step in becoming the climber I wanted to be.
Before I continue, I want to take a moment here to share that I recently got my driver’s license in August of this year, which felt like a huge deal since I’m in my mid-20s. The drive up to North Conway was my first long car trip, and so even getting to North Conway felt like an achievement. A friend from PCOC connected me with a fellow TradFest goer, Lisa, who needed a ride up. I managed to pick her up right before New York got flooded, and we traveled with the rain storm on our way up. *Woooo baby’s first long car ride during a storm* While we tragically missed the dance party, we got there safely. Lisa and her motelmates offered me a cozy air mattress to crash on that Friday night, which saved me from having to continue on to set up camp on wet ground late at night. And even though I had known these people for less than a day, there was the warm climber community I always dreamt of having.
The following day, I joined SendHers to Humphrey's Ledge where I got to climb with such a sweet group of people and worked through the parts of me that were nervous to climb with and in front of people I didn’t know.. My last climb of the day, I got to learn how to clean the anchor from Valentina, who was patient throughout the entire process.There’s something different and almost magical about learning from women/non-binary people of color in the climbing space that made it feel much more attainable than it had in the past. Valentina demystifying cleaning anchors was such a key moment for me during TradFest because it clicked in my brain that I can do this! I can clean anchors, I can set up top ropes! I can sport and trad climb! I can rappel! All those things had greatly intimidated me, but I feel ready and excited to lean into the discomfort and learn.
So with that confidence, I went into Sunday with high hopes that got dashed by a hard start 5.7 crack. But that is climbing! There are really good days, and then there are days and starts that will humble you. While I did not get past the start, my belayer, Thea, taught me about hand, fist, and finger jams. And that knowledge helped me get past a hard start 5.8 gym climb with a fist jam last week!! I came out of the weekend loving myself for pushing past my shyness and trying a new thing, and happy to have made new connections with people in the climbing community. TradFest truly was such a dreamy weekend with beautiful fall foliage, great climbs, and sweet beginnings to new belaytionships.